Life at 24 Frames

03/29/11

And this is the room 

One afternoon I knew that I could love you.

And from above you how I sank into your soul.

Into that secret place where no one dares to go.

11/25/11

I’m looking for you in every song I sing,

And I’m learning things that only time can bring.

11/24/11

I am always tired.
I won’t sleep tonight,
And I am all run dry.
I can’t turn off the light.

Because all that I’ve been living for
Is a better way to make it.
All that I’ve been living for is a dream.
With the magazines and television
Calling out my name.
All that I want lately is a change.

07/27/11

I cried tonight.

Not just a few tears, 

I wept and wept and wept for you.

I was getting dressed and that song came on,

The one that we used to lay in bed and listen to when it was cold.

When you would press yourself against me and pull my arm around you.

I wish I knew what to tell you.

I wish I knew the perfect thing to say, the right words that would make you stay 

Forever.

But I don’t.

I’m not really sure what I know anymore.

So I pull you close instead and hope that if I hold you long enough and tight enough

That you will understand me,

That somehow you will feel all the love I have inside of me.

There is too much of it inside of me.  

Won’t you take some from me dear?

But you don’t.

So now I’m here, getting dressed, alone.

I put on my jacket, and walk outside to escape,

To hide in the darkness so that no one will see me this broken.

And there, in the crisp summer night,

With the moon watching over me like a mother,

I weep for you my darling.

04/21/11

The door bell rings.

The dog barks.

I don’t move.  I don’t have to.  

I know it’s you.

Energy and warmth like lightning rush through my body.  

God that bell sounds amazing, those waves of sound flowing through the air,

Connecting you and I in some unknown way.

You bounce up the stairs, round the corner, and drop your things.

Sauntering lazily over to the chair I’m in,

Teasing me, knowing what I want.

You climb over the side and fall into my lap,

Draping yourself over me.

The dog sits on the armrest with us.  

I run my hands all over you.  Your skin is perfect.

Finally, our eyes meet

And I see myself in your eyes, but not just my reflection.

I see me, truly me, and I’m comforted because I know that you see me,

And that despite everything I’ve done,

You still choose me, and only me to give yourself to.

For now I am enough.

And then,

After all that,

You kiss me and I am full.

09/18/11

I thought about you again tonight.  You showed up like expected.  If only I could shut the door and tell you no, but we both know that could never happen.  How could I?  It’s cold outside and you don’t have a jacket.  So I invite you in to stay, but just to talk and just for a second, no more.  ”No, no more than that,” I tell myself.  

But it never is for just a second.  You wouldn’t have it that way.  No, instead you come in and give me a hug.   God it’s good to feel your arms around me.  For a split second it almost feels like it used to, like that time you held onto me and wouldn’t let go.  I had to peel you off of me, and then you cried and I cried before I left.

We talk and talk and talk.  You bring up that one time that we went to the river together, when we laid in the sun all day.  You told me to put sunscreen on, but I ignored you.  I got burned.  I say something funny and you laugh.  I’ve been waiting all night for that laugh, for that smile.  I would do anything, anything, anything to see that smile forever.

Sometimes I want to ask you what happened, why it all ended, how you could love me like you did yet still leave.  But I know that I wouldn’t get an answer.  You can’t give an honest one.  So we talk more about nothing, and we smile and pretend that it’s all okay and that we are happy, when we aren’t.  Then, after some time has passed, and you are satisfied that you have secured your place in my mind for another few weeks, you decide that it’s time to leave.  I open the door for you, like always.  We stand there in the cold, and you hug me again, but with less feeling.  Now I’m the one who doesn’t want to let go.  It’s funny how the tables turn sometimes.  So I hold you tight, until we finally part and you look at me longingly before walking away into the dark.  I’m standing by myself in the cold.  I can see my breath in front of me, curling off in wispy clouds before disappearing.

05/20/11

If I weren’t leavin’, would I catch you dreamin’
And if I weren’t gonna be gone now, could I take you home
And if I told you I loved you, would it change what you see
And if I was stayin’, would you stay with me
And if I had money, would it all look good
And if I had a job now, like a good man should
And if I came to you tomorrow, and said let’s run away
Would you roll like the wind does, baby would you stay

My heart is dancin’, to a November tune
And I hope that you hear it, singing songs about you
I sing songs of sorrow, because you’re not around
See, babe I’m gone tomorrow, Baby follow me down

I don’t know why I have to, but this man must move on
I love my time here, didn’t know ‘til I was gone
November shadows, shade November change
November spells sweet memory, the season blue remains
November spells sweet memory, the season blue remains

Your yellow hair is like the sunlight, however sweet it shines
Bit by the cold of December, I’m warm beside your smile

Oh lady, tell me I’m not leaving, you’re everything I dreamed
I’m killing myself thinking, I’ve fallen like the leaves
I’m killing myself thinking, I’ve fallen like the leaves

12/05/10

The night is over. 

The moment has past,

Left us here, broken and let down.

The sun crashes through the windows

Showing us the truth- ourselves.

The cold air seeps through the cracks of this old house.

I pull my jacket close and think about you.

What are you thinking my dear?

Can you see through me?

Do my walls crumble in front of you like the sands before the ocean?

I can’t hide my feelings.

You are too pure, too true, too real.

We lay on the bed,

Arms holding each other,

My hands running up and down your porcelain skin.

Our lips don’t move.

I am too scared to speak,

Scared of ruining the moment,

Of ruining you my darling.

I am surrounded by something unknown,

By a beauty I have never seen,

Untouched and visceral.

We stare at each other forever.

I can’t break away from your eyes, those eyes,

Those giant, hued orbs glowing with innocence, searching for something,

Something you haven’t found yet, but oh, you have searched my dear.

Will you ever find it?

They pierce through me.

I can’t break from your gaze.  I’m trapped in the most beautiful of prisons.

Leave me here forever, enveloped by your beauty.

I give you my world.

Tell me everything there is to know.

Can you see me?

Have you ever really seen me?

Because I see you clearer than ever right now.